First, I know this is not a video game. Second, I know its very late. Let me explain why. When I see bad reviews, similar to scandals on the internet, I avoid giving the company any of my money. That said, I often still want to see the movie in a legit way. No sense in paying a fine or getting caught with a crappy movie. If you are going to pirate something at least be something good. So, I waited for my local library and borrowed it from there. It is a great way to achieve said goals. If you want to get companies to stop making certain crap, then I highly recommend sticking it to the man via the library!
I was not planning on writing anything about the movie. But it got under my skin, and not for most the reasons that critics detailed. The serious tone was annoying and overbearing but easy to dismiss. The political rhetoric was tons of build up with little payoff. Again, I could care less. The long run time was a chore, but I watched Iron Fist so this felt like a short stroll rather than a marathon.
What bothered me to the point of writing this article is the portrayal of Batman. It is utterly crap. The early part of the movie goes through the death of his parents again for the 5 people in America who did not know this plot point. Then when down in the soon-to-be-batcave, boy Bruce raises his hands and begins to fly. WTF!?!? Batman does not fly! Ok, so it was a dream sequence. That said, this just begins the process of overpowering and underpowering Batman.
Bvs DetectiveIf I was to note a superpower for Batman it would be twofold. He is known as the greatest detective. This means a strong intellect, curiosity, and a knack for putting puzzle pieces together. The second aspect of this is that Batman is a tactician. He does not charge straight into a fight head-first. That is Superman. Every comic, cartoon, and movie seems to have Superman (whom is supposed to be smart) charge right at the rocket, bullet, laser, or weapon. This bullish arrogance might work for the boy in blue, but for a simple human like Batman, it means death. It humanizes Batman. We relate to him, because we know and share his vulnerability. As a result, Batman goes all ninja and uses the shadows. He, like many of his rogue gallery, uses fear to get to his enemies.
This is what pissed me off about this movie. Batman charges head first into everything. He seems less like a detective and more like a knock-off rich, wannabe-Superman. He breaks in and steals from Lex. Not normally a thief, but ok. The stupid part is that he leaves his calling card there. When did you become the Joker and need to taunt those you rob from?
Then what does he do with the Kryptonite? He makes three gas canisters to shoot at Superman. Really? Your plan against a super fast being is to quickly reload your gun and shoot a gas grenade at him? Wow. Once you have him weakened, then what? Hit him with a spear? That is the dumbest plan against an all-powerful being like Superman. Might as well just eat the kryptonite and then give Supes a hug.
Maybe Bats placed the spear in an ideal location with a fantastic plan to lure Superman there. Right? Please be true! No, his plan was to hope he doesn’t die, get his ass kicked all the way to the spear, and take out pent up rage along the way. Thank goodness he bulked up and trained like Rocky Balboa before the fight. Let’s be honest, one throw from Superman through those cement walls, no matter the suit, would have broken everything in his body. Hell, even if there is bubble wrap inside his suit, the concussion from the repeated extreme whiplash would have left his brain power on the same level as a bowl of cream of wheat. Note to the writers, “because I’m Batman” is a joke, not an excuse.
Then comes the Bats saving Martha plan. Will Supes really trust him to save his mother? B#*$#&!. Ok, so let’s say he does. Batman then goes in through the floor (yay, an actual tactical move) and proceeds to fight everyone and take bullets off the head. Where is the bat ninja? Where is the dodging? Where is using the shadows to strike fear into your enemies. Batman is not invincible.
The only positive thing I took away from the movie was Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. There was really no reason for her to be in the movie, other than to have something to distract Doomsday while Superman is hanging out in space. Lord knows, Batman can’t do that since his plans are to charge straight at things. That and he didn’t plan to have more than three kryptonite gas bombs. If you cannot do it in three then you might as well die.
This movie completely fails the characters. The rest in the movie is forgivable for me. Boring, tedious, and pretentious, but forgivable. But when it comes down to these failures “because I’m Batman” does not work as an excuse because that was not Batman.